Crisis on Infinite Earths

The Goonies (1985) Retro Review

The Goonies (1985) Retro Review
Screen Heroes

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Travel back to 1985 with us for our latest Retro Review, The Goonies! We talk about how the film compares to more modern movies including special effects, story and scale, and the lack of an expanded universe or sequel bait. Plus, we talk the latest news including The CW’s upcoming Crisis on Infinite Earths and a bit about Amazon’s The Boys.

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A Heroes Podcast Network Production

Hosts: Rae Stewart | Derreck Mayer | Ryan Couture

Executive Producer & Editor: Derreck Mayer

Music by Flying Killer Robots





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The Goonies (1985) Retro Review

The Rundown: Mort of the Month

As the first of (I hope) a long series of entries, a little history. In the 1990’s, there was a great thing called Wizard Magazine. This magazine was all about comic books and super heroes. At the end of each issue, they had the “Mort of the Month” feature. This was about the lamest superheroes around, who they were, what they did, and how they were lame, with specifics on why they were so lame.

So, without further ado, here is the inaugural Grid “Mort of the Month”.

Ten-Eyed Man
Real Name:
Philip Reardon
360° and limited periscopic vision, Superb hand to hand combatant and marksman

A soldier in the U.S. Special Forces during Vietnam, Philip Reardon took a grenade to the face. After which, he was discharged from the military and began working as a security guard. Mr. Reardon was the guard on duty when thieves knocked him out to plant bombs at a warehouse. When he woke up with blurry vision, he saw Batman and started to fight him, thinking he was a thief. After his vision cleared, he could recognize Batman. Suddenly, the Warehouse exploded, burning Reardon’s retinas, blinding him permanently.

After a visit to a doctor that could only exist in comics, “Dr. Engstrom”, Philip had his optic nerves reconnected to his fingertips. I’m not sure what kind of insurance he had with that security guard job, but, he should try to find a better provider. So, with his sight not only restored, but improved, he decided this miracle of modern science should be celebrated by becoming a Super Villain, intent on revenge against Batman. His major tactic was being able to see in low visibility environments. Being a trained soldier, he had a few good moves up his sleeve, especially if he could sucker punch someone.

The general way he is defeated is by touching something that hurts his “eyes”. I feel the best example of this was from Batman: The Brave and the Bold episode “A Bat Divided”, Bat-Mite was bugging Batman while he was fighting Ten-Eyed Man. A cactus was magically provided and tossed to the villain, who caught it out of instinct and got thorns in his eyes. Incidentally, he was killed in “Crisis On Infinite Earths” after being first on a list of characters to kill off, by writer Marv Wolfman.

Why he’s a “Mort”: To put this into perspective, we have a blind man who has eyes on each of his fingers. What have you touched with your fingers today? I’ll bet that a lot of the time, these are things you wouldn’t want in your eyes at all. Even if he spent his days not touching anything or he somehow learned how to grab things with his toes, he would still need to scratch itches, pick his nose and ears, and wipe after using the bathroom. I would imagine his new found abilities would cause him to be very clean. So, why again was he going out to fight Batman?

Rating: I give this villain 1 out of 10 finger/eyes.

The Rundown: Mort of the Month