Once again, valued readers, it is time for the Mort of the Month!
Most Morts are known mainly by their powers and not their personality. Well, let me introduce you to a villain who was a Mort even before he donned a costume!
The Savage Walrus
Real Name: Hubert Carpenter
Abilities: Minimal superhuman strength, agility, and endurance; good at crossword puzzles; ability to distract enemies by his dumbfounding remarks; above average ability to hold his breath; a protective layer of blubber deflects minor injuries and freezing temperatures.
Hubert Carpenter was a cab driver in New York. He lived with an eccentric Uncle Humbert, who was a janitor and a Mad Scientist, apparently a double major in the Marvel universe. After Donning a costume with a Rainbow “W” proudly stamped on his chest, Hubert was apparently endowed with the proportionate strength and speed of a walrus. While walri walruses are larger and stronger than humans, that would mean he would be weaker and slower than the average human. In actuality, he did gain a bit of super strength, endurance, and invulnerability. He can rip lamp posts out and swing them around without breaking a sweat. While his backstory may seem impressive, his ambitions reached to the highest mountain of “breaking stuff”. Literally, he described himself as a “mass-destructionist”. So, a villain who breaks stuff, brilliant! Unsurprisingly, he was first defeated in Defenders #131 (May 1984) during his inaugural debut by a lesser known hero, Frog-Man, who may or may not end up on my Mort-o-meter in the future. Essentially, Walrus fought until he collapsed. That was it. No witty remarks, no secret weapon…
Anyways, after being out of the picture for a while, Hubert reappeared with the White Rabbit, another Mortworthy villain in Spectacular Spider-Man (Vol. 1) #185. Man, these Morts are getting out of hand. Are you taking the very subtle hints that these are heroes and villains based on Alice in Wonderland? She was a Playboy Bunny villain, with rabbit themed gadgets, who was also defeated by Frog Man.
It is important to note however, that he was able to hit Spiderman with enough force to send him flying. This was, of course, done while Spiderman was laughing at the villain. Unable to move, because he was giggling so much.
Getting back to our central thought. Walrus was once again Persona Non Grata in Marvel. He popped up during the “Fear Itself” storyline. Deadpool gave him a seemingly innocuous hammer in an attempt to embarrass the villain. Deadpool didn’t know the hammer actually was magical and made an otherwise lame super villain an actual threat, like, Hulk-level threat. The Savage Walrus almost killed Deadpool on multiple occasions during his Hammer-fueled Mario Party. The “Moon-Born Hammer” belonged to some werewolves and got it’s power from the full moon, obviously.
Walrus was tricked into the basement of a Sheriff’s office, away from the hammer’s power source. Deadpool made quick work of the now, severely under-powered villain. And the rest is history.
Walrus has made brief appearances since the re-emergence of Earth-616 in Marvel Comics. Most notably at a strip club, admiring an overweight dancer. (Daughters of the Dragon #4)
Why he’s a “Mort”: If all of that wasn’t enough to convince you, being good at crossword puzzles is listed as one of his “Super Powers”. Nuff’ said.
Rating: I give this villain 3 out of 10 Rainbow W’s.
Do you think The Walrus is Mort worthy? Comment below with your thoughts!