Greetings muchachos and muchachettes of the Fourth Estate, DanPool here!
(What the !@#$ is a “DanPool”? I thought this was about Deadpool…)
[Maybe it’s a pool that belongs to some guy named ‘Dan’?]
Can you both be quiet? I’m trying to write a post about the new Deadpool BluRay.
(Who’s Ray, and why is he so Blue?)
[Da Boo Dee Da Boo Die!!!]
What you are currently looking at is an intro into the little world of Deadpool!
(But, not that little, really. I mean, it’s a good size…)
[Size doesn’t matter anyways, right?]
Guys, we are getting off track here.
(I’d rather get on a Nordic Track, those things will tone your buns)
[Buns of steel, or at least Sourdough.]
I’ve stolen some secrets from Fox studio, using a mixture of Blades, Explosives, and some Special Hugging!
*The Management Does Not Endorse Theft, Explosives Use, Or “Special Hugging” – –
Enough with the sidebars already!
(Wow, you are getting really testy!)
[Testes, he he..]
Hey, if you looked like Ryan Reynolds crossed with a Shar-Pei, you’d understand!
(You put that mask on, on purpose.)
[It’s not even Deadpool, it’s just a crappy Freddy Kreuger mask…]
Obviously, I’m not going to get anywhere with these two commenting on everything, and since I can’t find their off switches, I present to you my ode to Deadpool!
(You can definitely, find my On switch, if you know what I mean!)
[You wrote an ode? What else did you have to do to get this gig?]
H is for Humorous, sparkling wit
E is for Enigmatic, deeply fascinating
Y is for Yes, always believing in yourself
D is for Diligent, conscientious in duty
E is for Efficient, succeeding at tasks
A is for Adventurous, leaping into the unknown
D is for Devoted, unwavering faithfulness
P is for Phenomenal, an amazing person
O is for Open-hearted, filled with generosity
O is for Observant, keenly perceptive
L is for Loyal, a worthy friend
B is for Beautiful, Like prettyface Vanessa
L is for Learned, mastery of knowledge
U is for Uber, simply outstanding, and a great taxi service. Just ask Dopinder. He’s Dope!
R is for Romantic, the heart of a poet
A is for Affable, instantly likeable
Y is for Youth, eternally young at heart
C is for Colossus, he’s really shiny!
O is for Original, refreshingly so
M is for Maximum Effort, doing your best
E is for Excellent, of the finest character
S is for Sensational, ever exciting
O is for Optimistic, always staying upbeat
U is for Unique, you’re one of a kind
T is for Tactful, ever sensitive
O is for Outstanding, excelling beyond others
N is for Noteworthy, having remarkable acheivements
M is for Motorcyclists, beheaded with a chain
A is for Ajax, Whose real name is Francis
Y is for Yearning, a thirst for vengeance
T is for Tasteful, odes of style
H is for Hip, ahead of the times
Please remember that this poem pales in comparison to the actual movie. Which you should totally see!
(Yeah, it’s a really crappy poem, it doesn’t even rhyme!)
[Are there any people who still haven’t seen this… Bzzzt..]
Finally, I found the Off Switch!
As I was saying…
Based on Marvel Comics’ version of insanity personified, DEADPOOL gives a segue and flashback infused tall-tale of mercenary Wade Wilson, after he is subjected to terrible experiments, gains a red suit (to hide the blood from the bad guys) and begins a rampage of vengeance!
Starring Ryan Reynolds, who has been trying to get this movie made since ‘Origins’ came out, mainly to clean that stain from his record.
“In the comic book world, Deadpool is a man of our time with the ability to spout just the right thing, in terms of pop culture reference, at the worst possible moment.” – Ryan Reynolds
Tim Miller makes his feature film directorial debut on DEADPOOL. But, let’s talk about the movie a bit more.
Ok, I kind of lost my train of thought. There’s lots of action, adventure, comedy, and a love story thrown in for good measure. Also, Explosions!
Seriously, if you haven’t seen this movie by now, pre-order the Blu-Ray, and you’re welcome! It comes out on May 10th.
For a fantastic Spoiler Free Review, look under here.
[You said ‘Underwear!’ Bwahaha!]
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